Baby #3, A Miscarriage Story
Before one of my miscarriages last year I had intense and frightening anxiety. I am not a person who usually suffers from anxiety, so the feelings I had were unexpected and completely overwhelming.
That day, I drove over to my grandparents house seeking help and comfort. I laid in their bed and sobbed on my Nonny’s lap while she rubbed my back. I lamented to her and my grandfather that I felt I would die in childbirth. As they prayed over me and the baby in my womb, the feeling wouldn’t leave.
A week or so later, I was back at their house actively miscarrying. Waiting for my mom to pick me up and take me to the hospital due to extreme pain, I couldn’t help but feel guilty for praying “thank you God for saving me.” Weird right?? I was thanking Him for saving me from anxiety for 9 months, I was thanking him for answering prayer and providing relief, even if that relief wasn’t what I’d imagined it to be. I learned that day that God’s solutions don’t always look like ours, but His solutions are just, perfectly timed and for our good.
After having had 3 miscarriages now, I’ve learned valuable lessons from each one. I wouldn’t go back and change anything. Without my first miscarriage, we wouldn’t have had JT and I wouldn’t have learned God’s timing is perfect, always. Without my 2nd miscarriage, I wouldn’t have truly understood that God’s plan is better than mine and without my 3rd, I’d still feel entitled to childbearing and not understand it for the blessing it truly is.
Miscarriages have taught me to intentionally extract God’s perspective from any difficult season in my life. To hear more about the lessons I’ve learned through miscarriages and how I’ve gotten through difficult seasons intentionally seeking God’s purpose through them, listen to the podcast about Finding Hope in Despair over at “Gems of Motherhood!”
